Categories:

imperishable…

from my blog at BardicWeb ~

A year has passed since hubby’s death. I’m not sure I can say its been a “good” year. Too many negative events occurred in that time and so few positive events to offset them.

Loss of spouse and best friend, loss of our home, loss of our cat, family troubles, and the latest oh-joy moment (sarcastic tone) is hail damage to our car in the last storm. Of course that came one day before the anniversary of Ray’s death. I wondered, looking around me as I walked in the yard, just what else the Universe was going to bring down on me.

Anyhow, I didn’t totally break down in tears this weekend. There were smiles as I drifted through memories of my life with Ray. The many hours and days on the road, being silly with each other (and he could actually manage to make my laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe *s*), him bringing me coffee every morning, the way he always bought me fresh flowers, the times we argued about things we came to realize were really not worth arguing over, the ways we supported each other when things got tough or sad, dancing together, watching football and golf and movies, taking naps on lazy afternoons, and more….always so much more.

I miss him terribly. Still. So, this is why I can’t say its been a good year…its just time that passed without him. And most days I still feel rather lost in this “new” life I’m attempting to rebuild.

Am I any wiser for going through this? Am I more content? More at peace?

Questions I don’t have any answers for, at least not at this point in time. Death came. It took away the most precious person in my life.

My hope is that this next year without him will become easier. That I’ll adapt, learn not to feel so alone, allow more peace into my heart, gain wisdom from the loss, achieve an inner state of joy and contentedness.

Farewell, my honey. I’ll see you again…in another rabbit hole, in another place, in another time. As you always said, “It’ll be okay.” I believe you…

As I lay here alone

waiting to be gathered into your arms,

I ask of you one thing,

remember me as this.

Remember me as one who loves you

beyond yourself.

Who pierces shells, armor, masks,

and everything protecting

your spirit in needless fervor.

Remember me as this.

As one who loves you unmatched